I was watching Insight and they were discussing revenge. It got me thinking about my not so nice interactions.
Many years ago I had an incident on a local road. I wouldn't call it road rage. More, road frustration. I was trying to turn right at a busy T intersection. There were no traffic controls and I was relying on other drivers to create a space for me to make my right hand turn. The traffic slowed in both directions. My path was clear. So I moved across the intersection to turn right. And then it happened. I was blocked by a car who sped up to occupy the space I was heading for.
I was a little more hot headed back then than I am now, so my response to the driver of that car was, I would say, verbally creative. I held up my hands in disbelief. He could see me out of the corner of his eye but chose to pretend I wasn't there. When the traffic finally started moving in his direction, he still didn't let me in. Instead, as he slowly drove off, he turned his head towards me to smile and flip me the bird. He was so busy gesturing in my direction that he didn't notice the traffic had stopped again ahead. Within two seconds, he came to a sudden halt, smashing straight into the car in front of him.
He was furious. But me, I just couldn't stop laughing. I didn't want to laugh. I knew it would further aggravate the situation. But it was an automatic response and I couldn't stop. I quickly changed direction and fled the scene like a frightened mouse. But I was still laughing.
Is that revenge? No, I don't think so. I didn't smash his car. Retribution? Maybe. Karma? Certainly. Whatever you call it, the response is the same. The reward centre of my brain lit up like a christmas tree when he hit that poor unsuspecting driver in front of him. Many years later, I can still see the look of shock on his face. The smile was gone.
And that's the thing about justice. We seek it to make us feel better. And it makes us feel better by stimulating the reward centre of our brain - the same part of our brain that lights up when we experience kindness and positive feedback. This part of our brain activates when we feel justice is served or someone has been 'taught a lesson'.
The thing about revenge, justice and teaching lessons, is that it might give you satisfaction at your most primitive level, but in the long term, I don't believe it does anything to help you. What I know now is that you never really teach anyone a lesson. People have to learn in their own way and in their own time. Plotting and executing revenge strategies just brings a whole lot of negativity into your world. And the only lesson you teach the other person is that you're just a little bit crazy, and very unevolved, and that they're better off being rid of you.
So maybe I wasn't directly responsible for the T intersection accident, but I'm not totally innocent. I once cut all the buttons off an ex boyfriend's favourite shirt after a break up, and took the buttons with me. A minor infringement in the big scheme, but a seeking of revenge nonetheless. If you're reading this Simon, it was me... and I'm sorry.
☺
Kim x
Oh Kimmeee...I agree, agree, agree...and I still can't help smiling when I find out about how Karma has created a 'back at ya' to someone who has wronged me. I've been, uh do we call it lucky(?), to have heard of two incidents where someone who had hurt me was served up karmically in a similar way....
ReplyDeleteThe one I'll mention was a boy who'd told me he loved me and wanted to follow me back to USA where I was headed from my Aussie journey some 20 yrs ago. He told me he loved me, wanted to pursue a rel, and live with me in USA. So excited and with future plans abounding...I moved to LA, he followed shortly thereafter. I (and my friends) helped him secure a cash paid job as a nanny of all things (he was a sailor and chef). Shortly after he secured the job, I found out he not only didn't love me, but he pretty much lied about everything as a way to get to the USA and have a free ride. He happily stomped my heart for his selfish gains. I was very hurt.
So, off he went as a nanny. Through the grapevine I found out he had secured a fake greencard. I was so tempted to report him to immigration...I CHOSE...the high road and kept my mouth shut.
A few months later, after taking advantage of his employer and putting her on his bad side as well....he was off to Canada to get another 3 months in USA on his visa. Well his employer called Immigration......and well stopped, stripped, searched and harassed he was at the border. Stipped of his dignity, his clothes, and his airline ticket, his visa was cancelled and he was deported back to OZ, via NZ in a traumatic 24hr period. Do not pass go, do not collect your surfboad boy....he was on a flight that night.
From what I heard getting the 5 yr ban on USA travel etc, losing much of his stuff he'd purchased in USA, and his father who worked for Aussie Immigration being disgusted.....well he was traumatised and a bit homebound for several months. It was random I found out about this and I have to say, I felt only pleasure. I thought he had rec'd what he'd deserved, reaped what he'd sowed, and that was that!
So is that wrong, bad karma, etc to take pleasure in what I felt was karmically served up? Who is to judge??? I was happy to know someone for once didn't get away with taking advantage of me, or anyone and the Universe had stepped in and taught him a lesson (hopefully). :)) Thus all in all, building my faith in karmic intervention.
How funny Deb. That was your reward centre making you feel happy about it. Totally natural response! Just goes to show, it's better to be nice to people. It's also more fun and easier. Maybe he was one person who did learn a lesson!
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